We often hear it, especially in Italy, but also elsewhere:
“The man truly manly would have three wives.”
One for the house.
One for intensity.
One for sexual fantasies.
It's almost poetic. Like a Greek tragedy with WhatsApp.
Except that it's not a myth.
That's a fact.
Not legal. Not official.
But firmly rooted. Intimately. Socially. Culturally. But very much alive. Silent. Organized. Accepted — sometimes even applauded between two glasses of prosecco.
1. The Myth of the Three Women: Defining an Emotional Pattern
In certain masculine spheres — particularly those of the power, prestige or performance — a pattern that is as old as it is still very much alive is circulating:
The "accomplished" man, often between 35 and 60 years old, would be naturally drawn towards a form of relational triptych :
- A leading woman : legitimate partner, often wife or equivalent. Stability, loyalty, social recognition.
- A second woman : a more intense, passionate, vibrant relationship, but kept away from the official world.
- One or more women passing through : emotional or sexual bonuses, without commitment or friction.
Nothing is written, but Everything is organized.
A fragile but functional balance — as long as no one speaks too loudly.
2. An avoidance strategy disguised as freedom
This model is not just a fantasy etched in the collective unconscious.
It's a emotional regulation system
→ particularly active among men of status, educated, socially valued.
Executives, senior managers, entrepreneurs, renowned artists, doctors, politicians, premium consultants, investors, business lawyers…
Many people activate this pattern, consciously or unconsciously.
For what ?
Because :
- One woman alone is not enough to cover all facets of their shifting identity (between public image, private impulses and dream of emotional absoluteness).
- They learned to to promote relationship optimization as much as that of their business.
- They operate on the idea that Emotional vulnerability is a reputational risk.
So they compartmentalize.
Benefits:
- Printing Freedom, although it illusory,
- Printing Success, The number of partners actually hides a lack Deep Links (Quantity vs. Quality)
- Printing Power, Masculine Ego for to reassure his Virility
- Feeling of Value superior, being number 1 for different people, which translates into a Fear of the Commitment
- Feeling of being a Rebel, reveals an unconscious need for transgression and excitement, by living a double games
→ As in a Asset portfolio: a little stability, a little growth, a little controlled volatility.
3. What the studies say (when they dare to look)
Official figures tell us little — because this phenomenon is socially concealed, not statistically documented.
But some data illustrate the scale of the problem:
- According to an IFOP study (2021), 46% of men in relationships report having been unfaithful.
- In upper-middle-class circles in Paris, Switzerland, or London, Dating apps are often used not to find a primary relationship, but to fuel the “grey area”.” — that between fantasy and outlet.
In certain private male networks (entrepreneur clubs, business circles, confidential Telegram groups), discussions frequently revolve around :
- «"The second one who truly understands what I'm going through."»
- «"The fun I see between two long-haul flights."»
- «"The main one, with whom I maintain an impeccable image."»
This is not marginal. It is the affective "soft power" of the accomplished masculine« ».
4. The pattern has changed: more discreet, more intellectual, more elusive
The myth has not collapsed.
It has evolved.
Today :
- It's not necessarily a triple life in the logistical sense.
- This is often a triple relational dynamic, subtly distributed in time and space.
Concrete examples:
- A man in a stable relationship, but who maintains For the past three years, I've had an emotional correspondence with an expatriate colleague.. “We’re not doing anything wrong. But she feeds me like no one else.”
- Another who sees a therapist... with whom he talks about his girlfriend, while he sleeps with his ex "when it gets too much".
- A third explains to his official partner that he "needs sexual freedom to remain emotionally faithful".
The fragmentation is no longer geographical.
She is affective, narrative, intellectual.
And everyone thinks they've found the balance.
But everyone stays in a form of half-relationship.
5. Summary: cultural myth or contemporary reality?
Verdict: It's a myth because it has existed for X generations, it's a fantasy of masculine power, and it's a reality for certain circles or personality types.
This is not a folkloric relic from the South or a fantasy from an Italian film.
It is an integrated psychosexual model, commonplace in circles with high social capital.
The more power there is, the more refined the scheme becomes.
The more educated a person is, the more the fragmentation is argued.
And the older he gets… the more skilled he becomes at justifying what he doesn't want to face.
Also read: Solitude of a powerful man
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