The image of the single man is often a caricature, surrounded by stereotypes and prejudices. The number of single men in France is approximately 401,300. Do men choose to be single? Yet, men represent 621,300 users of dating apps. So, are men truly not interested in love?
Autonomy and the quest for self
In a world where opportunities for activities and leisure are diverse and easily accessible everywhere and at all times, many of us are drawn into a system that promises happiness and well-being through marketing. Some men thrive in lives already full of hobbies, outings, and friends, leading lives characterized by autonomy and self-discovery. In an era where individualism is encouraged, some men may simply be focused on their own personal development, passions, and goals, leaving no room for romantic relationships. Celibacy can be a choice, but isn't it more often an unintended consequence of this new lifestyle and its priorities?
Professional priorities and aspirations
A professional career can often be a priority for many single men. The pursuit of ambitious goals, dedication to professional projects, or the desire to focus on success in a particular field can lead some men to postpone or completely avoid romantic relationships. For many, being single then becomes a period of intense focus on their professional aspirations. And love? We'll see about that later.
complex relational expectations
Increasingly complex relationship expectations and norms can also influence the choice to remain single. According to some psychologists, men are lonelier than ever as they struggle to meet societal norms by deciphering women's expectations. In terms of romantic partners, women aged 25 to 45 often have the same expectations: they prefer men who are emotionally available, good communicators, and share similar values. According to American psychologist Greg Matos, the biggest problem for modern men is communication, which is "the cornerstone of healthy, long-term love." Society is failing to teach young boys the importance of communication, which has led to a growing number of men being involuntarily single.
Some men may perceive relationships as emotionally, financially, and even socially demanding. Fear of complications or conflicts can lead to a preference for a simpler, more independent life.
«"Over the past 30 years, men have become a larger part of this growing group of long-term singles," the psychologist explained.
«"And even though you don't need to be in a relationship to be happy, men are generally happier and healthier when they are in a relationship."»
An Identity Blur
In a context where women are increasingly taking on roles previously held by men, while continuing to advocate for gender equality, how can one find their place and meet their expectations? In his song "Un homme" (A Man), Jérémy Frérot explores the question of what a man means to another, and the ambiguity surrounding their roles that leaves men misunderstanding their partner's expectations. So, are men single because they feel lost in a society that has broken with its traditional values?
Some single men also reject traditional gender stereotypes that have long defined expected roles in a relationship. They may refuse to conform to societal expectations of masculinity, which can sometimes seem restrictive or outdated. Celibacy then becomes a declaration of independence from these preconceived norms.
Past traumas
Difficult or traumatic past relationship experiences can lead some men to choose celibacy as a form of emotional protection. The desire to prevent further hurt or to take the time to heal can be a powerful motivation for remaining single for a while. Or perhaps they've completely given up on the idea that love is still possible?
Eventually….
Men are interested in love, as many desire to meet new people. However, what exactly do they expect from these encounters? It's important to recognize that male celibacy cannot be reduced to a single explanation. Even though male celibacy is multifactorial, reflecting the diversity of aspirations and life paths of men today, it's crucial for single men to question whether it's a conscious or unconscious choice linked to fears, traumas, lack of communication, or a lack of commitment to the search.
Because waiting for love to come on its own is letting chance decide for us… What if we started dreaming again?
Also read: Loneliness of an independent woman
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